Adrianne Lenker’s sixth solo album Bright Future released on March 22nd 2024. It feels a bit cliché to say that it came at an important time in my life, but in my case it truly did. Eleven days prior, I had to deal with the anguish that comes with putting down a dog. Lexi was a beautiful labradoodle with a heart of gold. While I had initially not been enthusiastic about my sister adopting her, during the years of the COVID pandemic I had come to develop a special bond with her. Getting trapped inside writing assignments on how a possible vaccine could be developed for my microbiology lab course wasn’t the ideal way to spend my third year at UTSC. But looking back I am reminded of the scene from Little Miss Sunshine where they reference French philosopher Marcel Proust, and how looking back on his life, it was in the years that he suffered that he looks back most fondly on. Looking back on my third and fourth years when the COVID pandemic was at its peak, being locked away from concerts, friends, and day to day life was terrible. But it was Lexi who taught me to embrace tranquility and solitude. I decided to pass the time by taking her out on walks and hikes in parks all over, letting her run free off leash (even if the park clearly stated not to). It was in those hour-long walks that I found comfort in being alone. So much so that those walks would continue well past the lockdowns.
This brings me back to Adrianne Lenker and her beautiful folk album Bright Future. Pain, loss, grief, trauma, friendship, togetherness, and separation are some of the many core themes. Adrianne is able to tell a story in a way that few artists can. Each line feels so vivid, clear, and is somehow able to perfectly encapsulate feelings that are hard for people to describe. When telling a story about grief, her words are able to stab you in the same places where a wound is, but by the end of the song she is helping to pull the blade out and stitch up the wound again. This feeling could be felt on the album’s opening track Real House where she looks back on events in her life: being traumatized by the film Deep Impact, being hospitalized in her teenage years, and lastly, euthanizing the family dog. Respectfully, when listening to the album, I make sure to have a pleasant day by starting with track 2, Sadness as a Gift. The song revolves around romantic separation and being able to view it as a gift instead of a burden. A wise person once said that each of us is a mosaic of everyone we have ever met, and although the relationship has ended for Adrianne, she has been able to find the beauty in it and look back on the time spent together with fondness. And that the ability to be sad about something is a gift and is something precious that one can carry with them. And in much the same way, although Lexi’s life was tragically cut short, I now find myself able to look back with pleasant memories and accept the sadness that comes with them instead of fighting against it.
While I’m on my commute to the Queen Elizabeth Theatre via the Lakeshore East GO train, it could not have been easier to tell which concert goers were attending the Taylor Swift Eras Tour, and who were preparing to cry at Adrianne Lenker. In stark contrast to the glittery, colourful, and sparkly Swifty attire, we had the carhartt, jeans, vintage sweater, tote bag and babushka-esque headscarf wearing Adrianne Lenker outfits. I knew I was heading in the right direction of the venue when I could overhear fellow fans say, “If she plays _____ I may actually kill myself.”
Opening tonight’s show we had Suzanne Vallie who comes all the way from Big Sur, California. I don’t think there could have been a better way to ease us into a night of emotional turmoil than Suzanne Vallie. Appearing on stage solo with a microphone and a keyboard, Suzanne blessed the crowd with stories about her life. She explained how in the rural pacific coast, sometimes there would be erosion that would wipe out highways and roads causing workers to stay home, that is unless you grow weed. She quickly corrected that she herself was not in the cannabis business (although her soft, spacey cadence suggested she may consume from time to time), and that she was actually in the wedding flower industry. Another memorable story was when she drank coffee while out on her porch and saw what looked like a bobcat with a human face - this would be the last time she consumed caffeine. To be honest it was hard to tell if all of her stories were true, especially when she mentioned walking around Toronto and thinking about how beautiful the city is. She had a cool aunt vibe that everyone in the crowd seemed to dig and would aspire to be. I feel like in another life she would be a phenomenal therapist who patients could easily open up to about their problems, and she would respond with a life story that leaves them at ease. But for now she is gracing us with a beautiful, stripped-down folk set reminiscent of Joni Mitchell. She played most of her 2020 album Love Lives Where Rules Die featuring the single Ocean Cliff Drive which she used to close out her set. Brilliantly, she also sprinkled in songs from her upcoming album which at the moment, can only be listened to through buying the vinyl at the merch stand. A great way to stick to the music streaming services. You can find Suzanne Vallie’s music here on her bandcamp, definitely an artist to check out for the looming winter blues.
Arriving on stage with pianist Nick Hakim and violinist Josefin Runsteen is the aforementioned Adrianne Lenker. Upon sifting through past concert setlists, it was evident that no concert was the same as the last. In many cases she played various demos of songs that she had been working on (either for another solo project or with her band Big Thief), or did covers of Big Thief songs from throughout the band’s extensive discography. Toronto was no different as she began with Orange from the 2019’s U.F.O.F. before shocking the audience with a fan favourite, not a lot, just forever. Adrianne’s audience is attentive and can sense the upcoming song just from a few plucks of the guitar string while she is tuning. From the audible gasp of the crowd to the harmonizing of the chorus lyrics, the experience of hearing the song in person induced goosebumps. And just when I think I can get a chance to recover emotionally, up next is Sadness As a Gift.
As songs were coming to a close, I couldn’t help but laugh at how audible and visceral some of the sobbing was. Not laughing in a way that makes fun of other concert goers, but in a “damn, everyone going through it huh?” kind of way. I remember after one song, a girl was crying loudly and apologized to Adrianne, to which Lenker replied, “It’s okay to cry, let it out.” I love when an artist is self aware about how emotionally impactful their music is and encourages a good cry. Scattered throughout the setlist, Toronto was treated to its own eras tour. With songs like 2014’s Steamboat to new unreleased songs like Carry which was played for the first time ever. The latter of which Adrianne asked the audience not to record and to take in the moment, and the audience obliged. Of course you can find recordings of the song online, but none are from the Toronto show. Other unreleased songs like Incomprehensible which felt extra special here with all the lyrics about Northern Ontario which name drops Old Woman Bay, Highway 17, and Thunder Bay, and as someone who has family in north Ontario and is familiar with the area, that was pretty cool to hear. Mundane locations (sorry Thunder Bay) are now forever etched in the lore of Big Thief and Adrianne Lenker, and are now places I want to visit.
“She felt like a friend singing me a song— though sad, she felt familiar,” noted long time RadioFWD collaborator Lisha Manila, “I felt everything and nothing almost simultaneously at that moment cause it felt as though she was helping me grieve the things I didn't think needed grieving.” I made sure to pack extra tissues, not just for myself, but in case Lisha also felt overcome with emotion. Having a support friend should be compulsory for all Adrianne Lenker shows.
“The crowd fell into a total silence to songs like zombie girl which felt like a diary entry she was reading to us. I’ve never felt so moved the way I did in her presence, and it was extremely surreal and the most I’ve felt comfort in a venue that's been sold out.”
When asked about songs that they were looking forward to hearing and resonated most with them, Lisha commented, “Sadness As A Gift and zombie girl were the two songs I felt resonated with me most for a number of reasons, and all of them being personal and intimate. But if we’re going deep in the paint, zombie girl made me feel a little seen. I felt seen in a way I didn't think I would be that night. To be honest, I felt I was having a little check in with Lenker, especially when she asked: "what's on your mind?”
“I especially was also looking forward to Sadness As A Gift, and hearing it live felt like a sucker punch to the gut strong enough that it sent me flying through an unspoken nostalgia. Personal hell, even— and at times, peace. It was a jumble of different things I was surprised to feel that night and none of them I regret.”
Adrianne closed out the night with fan favourites, Vampire Empire and anything, with the crowd providing the ooh after she sings “Lay in your lap when I’m crying.” She of course came out to do an encore, finishing with Real House, which felt like a cathartic way to end the evening. And not to sound parasocial, seeing Adrianne wave and walk off stage, we know it is not a goodbye, but a simple, “I’ll see you later.”